Things I Would Tell My Future Child

THINGS I WOULD TELL MY FUTURE CHILD IF THEY END UP LOVING AN ABUSIVE MAN/
THINGS I WISH MY MOM WOULD HAVE TOLD ME/

I can’t forbid you from seeing him, but you should know this is not your fault. He’s threatened by your power: the rumble in your voice, the energy in your reason, the tenderness in your soul. There is nothing more threatening to an insecure person than someone who is passionate, sure of themselves, and multi-talented, like you. Being upset doesn’t excuse him for acting offensively. Just because he’s insecure, doesn’t mean it’s okay for him to bully you.

When he goes low, baby, go high. You keep your head high when he tries to bring you down because he will. He will attack your character, your spirit, your existence. You give him nothing. Don’t spend your energy trying to clear your good name. Do not accept these insults as true; Don’t give him the reaction he wants. Don’t give him any of your power.

Walk away before he exploits your kindness. He will exhaust everything he has over you. He will take whatever he can. If it is within your will to walk away, do it safely.

Love will always be present in your life and he is not the only person capable of loving you. You are worthy of great love and not just a half-assed love. If his idea of love is conditional and filled with ‘only ifs,’ that is not loving, sweetheart, that’s control.

When he says No One Else Will Love You Like I Do, tell him you hope not.
When he says You’re an Ugly Slut and a Bitch, just laugh it off because only you have the power to decide who you are.
When he says I’m Gonna Hurt You and Your Family, let him know how the power of Self-Defense holds up in court.

Everyone has the power to stop perpetrating violence.

He’s not strong like you; Strong people don’t hurt others on purpose. Everyone hurts someone eventually, but what he’s doing is unkind and vicious. Everyone has the power to stop perpetrating violence. Everyone has the power to change. If he’s not willing to do that, he’s not fit for loving others.

And it’s not your job, or responsibility to change him or make his life better. You don’t owe him shit; You are not indebted to him because he cares for you.

They call people who died in violent acts of war, “casualties of war” or “collateral damage”. I don’t want them to call you that one day. One day he’ll go too far to prove his point. You’ll fight hard and he’ll try to fight harder. He’ll hurt you. He might even leave marks; leave you in the hospital. This boy is declaring war on your body so you must be the Pacifist.

I’m not going to forbid you from seeing him, but we will remind him of the likes of true power.  

Once you know the power you wield, he no longer has anything over you. When you break free of those chains, nothing can stop you, baby.


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