Things I Would Tell My Future Child

THINGS I WOULD TELL MY FUTURE CHILD IF THEY END UP LOVING AN ABUSIVE MAN/
THINGS I WISH MY MOM WOULD HAVE TOLD ME/

I can’t forbid you from seeing him, but you should know this is not your fault. He’s threatened by your power: the rumble in your voice, the energy in your reason, the tenderness in your soul. There is nothing more threatening to an insecure person than someone who is passionate, sure of themselves, and multi-talented, like you. Being upset doesn’t excuse him for acting offensively. Just because he’s insecure, doesn’t mean it’s okay for him to bully you.

When he goes low, baby, go high. You keep your head high when he tries to bring you down because he will. He will attack your character, your spirit, your existence. You give him nothing. Don’t spend your energy trying to clear your good name. Do not accept these insults as true; Don’t give him the reaction he wants. Don’t give him any of your power.

Walk away before he exploits your kindness. He will exhaust everything he has over you. He will take whatever he can. If it is within your will to walk away, do it safely.

Love will always be present in your life and he is not the only person capable of loving you. You are worthy of great love and not just a half-assed love. If his idea of love is conditional and filled with ‘only ifs,’ that is not loving, sweetheart, that’s control.

When he says No One Else Will Love You Like I Do, tell him you hope not.
When he says You’re an Ugly Slut and a Bitch, just laugh it off because only you have the power to decide who you are.
When he says I’m Gonna Hurt You and Your Family, let him know how the power of Self-Defense holds up in court.

Everyone has the power to stop perpetrating violence.

He’s not strong like you; Strong people don’t hurt others on purpose. Everyone hurts someone eventually, but what he’s doing is unkind and vicious. Everyone has the power to stop perpetrating violence. Everyone has the power to change. If he’s not willing to do that, he’s not fit for loving others.

And it’s not your job, or responsibility to change him or make his life better. You don’t owe him shit; You are not indebted to him because he cares for you.

They call people who died in violent acts of war, “casualties of war” or “collateral damage”. I don’t want them to call you that one day. One day he’ll go too far to prove his point. You’ll fight hard and he’ll try to fight harder. He’ll hurt you. He might even leave marks; leave you in the hospital. This boy is declaring war on your body so you must be the Pacifist.

I’m not going to forbid you from seeing him, but we will remind him of the likes of true power.  

Once you know the power you wield, he no longer has anything over you. When you break free of those chains, nothing can stop you, baby.


I Am A Poet

I am a follower of wandering lust
More so a poet than a dove
I am a poet of love

I am a poet drunk on love
Writing on pages to fill them up
I am a heathen of love

I am a poet who rides the bus
A little more chill, than a fuss
For I am a poet high above

I am a poet high on drugs
Consumed in sexual smug
I am a poet drunk on lust

I am a poet just as such
Not an artist on the cusp
I am a poet with little luck

I am a poet whose pants fit snug
Devouring sweets to fill me up
For I am a poet who loves to munch

I am a poet that loves to run
Far away from good-for-nothing chumps
I am a poet close to none

I am a poet overdosing on fucks
My dopamine stream is abundant
I am an intellectual conundrum

I am a poet more so than a cunt
I am a poet when being blunt
A poet whose heart is always touched

I am a poet who recycles junk
Words reused to refuel my funk  
I am a poet drunk on love

Writing on pages to fill them up
For I am poet made of drugs
I am poet high, high above

The Ballad of Leo Man

Now this is not a story told
But a story which will unfold
A story of how I came to be
So lonely and un-betrothed
It is a story about how I gave my soul
To a Leo Man, so bitter and cold

I.
A Leo Man once came to me
And asked what my favorite bands were
I knew not then, what fuckboys meant
But he was that, I’m sure
Or perhaps, that he was not
Maybe, he was just a jerk

He took an interest in me
When no one else had asked
And made me feel, my heart of steel
As if we were to last
Yet he and I were brief in time
Of which I’m really glad

I had never seen a Man before
Who looked into my eyes
With such an interest in loving me
I almost believed his lies
He found my soul where Heaven meets Hell
Exactly where he also hides

I fell for him, I fell for it
I fell for the love that he so admitted
Not through his words
But undoubtedly through his actions
See I thought he knew what it meant
To give love without regret

And love he did, he loved so much
He loved me, and her and her
What an awful way to love me dear
Caressing me and then fucking her

I knew not then what love really meant
But it wasn’t him; I’m sure

O, but how I wish he would see
That love is something you do
Even though his words did not say
He knew exactly who loved who
Even though a lover’s role you only played
I gave my all to you
…Love is something you do

II.
O, Leo Man, how I wish you would see
The ripples in which you create
You cast your stone so far in my water
I thought we could relate
Unbeknownst to you, you appeared
To me to be a desirable mate

I thought of you to be my match
A soul mate so to speak
A poet like me, same music as me
Even our outfits were on fleek
But your heart showed something strange
A barren land so lonely and bleak

I knew not then what evaporating man meant
But you were just that
I filled you up with my words of water
Only I, never to be filled back
And when water was of scarcity
You, too, were in lack

To which my conclusion still remains
That you were not a Man indeed
Instead a boy who thought he could love
A Scorpio Woman like me
But I was not raised by fools
For players only love you partially

Except, like any Bitch I was loyal
To a Leo Man who gave me nothing
And I, a humble human being
Only asked for romantic loving
But that was too much to ask
From a boy that only wanted one thing

Shame on you to lead on a dream
A dream of just me and you
And promise the world at my feet
And turn around and be untrue
You weren’t my man, you weren’t my partner
But damn – I wanted it to be you

III.
It would have never worked out
Between us two I am too much a Woman
For a coward like you
I am a Goddess
And You…are just You

Who are you to Control me?
What Power do you yield over I?
Is it because you’re a Leo Man?
Or because I’m a Prize?
A prize too good for a Loser Like you
I think it’s the latter this time

Do not think for any second
That I am yours because I intimately bind
For I am my own kind of Woman
Not the subservient kind
And even if I was the submissive type
I’m not one to be two-timed

I will not be tame for anyone
Not him, nor her, nor you
Just ask the men who have come before
Ask the men if I would lose
Ask the men if I would give my right
To choose what I’d like to choose

I love who I love without question
It is something none can control
And you, Leo man, don’t understand
That I do not live in your world
And in this world of mine
You only play a lover’s role

Love is something you do
Not just something in which you say
A heart is not a novelty prize
Love is not a one player game
My body was not your playground
Yet you made it that way, anyway

IV.
He picked me up on the night of a Full Moon
The Doors played aloud as we cruised
Cool summer air brushed my face
On the boulevards towards Hollywood
And Leo Man held my hand as he sang
The lyrics to “Roadhouse Blues”

Jack and Coke for him,
Ginger Ale and Jameson for myself
Surrounded by a dozen nobody’s
In a Bar in Downtown Hell
But they played our favorite tunes
And he poured lust into my every cell

I hardly remember any words that were said
Sometimes communication is no words at all
I only remember the things that we did
And boy, did we do them all
Rock music from the 1970’s played
And we danced to it all

He pushed me up against the bar’s velvet wall
And dove deep into my neck
A kiss so passionate and sweet
He left me dripping wet
My neck a burial ground
For all of the affection that he left

Then we walked intoxicated in the street in sync
And dressed in all black
A true romantic man to me
We even shared the same beer can
From there we smoked our Jays
And we laughed and laughed

Leo Man shared lines with me
and together we both created
from what we love deep and proud
we wrote poetry inebriated
Drunk off love and lust we sat
Together, effortlessly elated

Finale
And with these last lines you’ll see
What a Leo Man once meant to me
For even though we aren’t betrothed
He’s buried in my poetry
The highest honor this poet can give
To the Man who broke her emotionally

(c) LolaLaPoeta

Muy Chingona

I learn my lessons like any other Chingona
I learn them hard and I learn them rough
I may scrape my knees, but man, am I tough

I fall and tumble but I get right back up
because there ain’t no use in crying over wasted years,
those are gone, but at least I still have beer.

I write just like any other Chillona.
I let myself cry it out for hours, chain smoking,
drinking my alcohol, blasting rancheras and singing.

Just like any other Chingona,
I ask the universe for signs, pray to God,
Follow the stars and forgive myself for truths untold
To the people I have hurt in this world.

Just like any other Chingona,
I fight with myself because I am not accepting of my imperfections,
Because I haven’t deciphered the Universe’s lessons,
Because I am still learning from my depression.

Because I am a Chingona I love deep.
I think too much into signs and I fall hard,
But man am I good at making love,
Because I am passionate
Just like any other Chingona,
And I don’t leave anyone behind,
Only those who ain’t worthy of my time.

Summer Lover

A once in a lifetime lover
The woman will always be loved
By your mother
The kind of woman your father
wishes his son could marry
The kind of woman who is always ready

But she’s not the woman he wants to love
She’s a once in a lifetime lover
The risk with her is always too much
The kind of woman that will love without regrets
She’s the life of the party
With pretty boys who are just friends
But she wont make you question her loyalty
Cause the boys and girls have always been consumed by her beauty

She’s the kind of woman who loves to laugh
A charismatic lover
The kind of woman everyone naturally gravitates to
You cant help but want to know her
But he will mistake this for flirting
Insecure individuals never make good for courting

He will never love her passed the summer
And she will get over him in the winter
But not before she tries and tries
To understand why
She was only a summer lover

Come spring time
She would have found herself again
Radiating light and beauty from every inch of her skin
Her confidence intoxicates the egos of every man
Like flies they stick
To remnants of molasses
As she’s redefining her sweetness
These men just want to take advantage
Summer’s coming ’round again
But she’s not the lover she was back then

When I Say I Love You…

I will tell you I love you in the moments I mean it most,
When the sun has set
And you are draped in darkness
And distractions cease to be.

I love you.

When you are just waking up,
Pillow wrinkles on your face,
Sun peeking through the curtains unto your skin,
Hair going in a million different ways.

I love you.

When you are cooking your favorite meal,
And you pour yourself some wine,
You use the finest ingredients,
And take your time when you arrange your plate.

I love you.

When you are sick and want to stay in bed,
I will make you a caldo,
I will wrap you in blankets,
And I will even get you 7up.

I love you.

When you are in the shower,
You are gasping for air
As the water runs down your face,
Straight down your torso,
O, my, how tempting it is to –

I love you.

When everyone else has left,
And you are all that remains,
All I have is you,
You carry me throughout the day,
My spirit is thankful for you.

Body, I love you.

Mariposa

You crawl into my mind
Creeping. No warning.
Surprise I’m here.
Kissing me in the morning.

Oh the memories.
You left for me to share.
Nothing feels as good
As breathing in your air.

My young butterfly.
Not really mine at all.
Only in my life for now.
Please don’t forget to call.

Creeping no more.
You crawl away.
No surprise here.
I knew you could not stay.

Lipstick Warrior

Lipstick Warrior; she called to me as I lined my lips with a sharp red wine
Then she called me a Chingona & I called her Divine
I winged my eyeliner as she spoke to me in prose
I kissed her lips gently, and my temperature slightly rose

I wore my studded jacket as she wore her fitted dress
She ran her soft hands through my wild hair and started to confess
“Dreams of you is all I have to share with you,
Sleep with me in my heart to cure my blues.”

I grazed her cheek softly with my labios rojos;
Whispered “Chicanas do not beg my dear, you are a not a lobo,
We are Lipstick Warriors; Creatures of the Sun,
We are not made to be dull, we are made to stun.”

Her eyes locked with mine as I continued to speak
By the time I finished, her gaze had made my knees weak
She bit her lip and invited me inside of her
But I refuse to turn this encounter into just another sexual blur

So I’ll wait a few nights until I know it’s true
I won’t let her or myself feel used
Our sexualities are not a fetish as they’ve been led to be
We don’t have to fuck like they do in the industry

Porque las Chicanas son apasionadas
Amando con todo then ending up borrachas
Be careful who you love, honey they could break your spirit
Don’t settle for anyone who treats you less than a Warrior Princess

I rest my chin on her shoulder and start to explain
“Love is earned when you stay day after day.
Love yourself first, and the rest becomes clearer in time,
But trust me, baby, sex is never the answer to life.”

She grabbed my hands on placed them around her sweet face
I’m thrilled to be in the presence of her sweet grace
I could taste an imperial stout on her dark brown lips
My kind of woman, who drinks only the best alcoholic shit.

As her tight red curls press against my wild brown hair
I think of the sweet honey nights she, and I will share
We are an ethereal mix of Cabernet Sauvignon and Dark Chocolate;
A Lipstick Warrior and A Poetic Latinx Goddess.